I'm awesome. This time our new member is GodShot. He's a French-Canadian I think, don't hate on him for it. If you piss him off, he will insult you in French really hard.

It's amazing that we are able to continually get new members even though Quake is not getting any new players. At this pace, we will BE Quake 1. You will fear us, because we will be really good compared to all the people who don't play. And we will have BARBEQUES. Barbeques that your sorry ass will miss out on because you didn't play Quake with us when we wanted you to! We will call them bizarbeques, and you won't be invited!

Well, sort of. Drama's computer is all messed, and he took the following screenshot (and some others) after an eventful level change. Wow! He calls it acid Quake, we call it BIZARRO QUAKE!! Feel the Bizarro. See all 34 Bizarro Quake screenshots in the Other Stuff section.

I don't know French, ok. Drama is another long time friend of our clan who decided to join recently. Welcome Drama, yayyyyyy! We are pleased to announce that we have all the biggest yappers in Quake now, Haze, Plest and Drama! The channel has been alive lately with a lot of really stupid shit. Here's an excerpt:

[14:34] <Evade> damn you homos for making me want food I dont have
[14:34] <haze_> spaghetti is cheap
[14:35] <Evade> yeah
[14:35] <Evade> the point is I dont want to go out and then by the time i get to cooking it will be late
[14:35] <Evade> and i have laundry and other gay stuff to take care of from my trip
[14:36] <Evade> so im having some stouffers frozen skillet dinner
[14:36] <haze_> lol
[14:36] <haze_> im having penis smothered in creamy white sauce
[14:36] <Evade> yeah you would wouldn't you
[14:36] <drama2> gross
[14:37] <Evade> i prefer my penis dry
[14:37] <haze_> yeah you like a2m dont you
[14:37] <drama2> I prefer creamy brown sauce smother on my penis
[14:37] <Evade> I usually just supply my own sauce
[14:38] <haze_> dude creamy brown sauce
[14:38] <haze_> what are you fucking JAPANESE
[14:38] <Evade> japanese people are some major sickos
[14:38] <Evade> although one cool thing
[14:38] <Evade> you can buy "used schoolgirl panties" in vending machines in japan

Is Treux a word? Haze is our newest new member. He's that one guy who claims he was in QWL but we don't remember. He also remembers weird things that didn't happen, like banging Hillary Clinton in the butt. Welcome to the clan.

In other news, Para is a fagass and got obsessed with WoW or something, so as a result he is our newest dropout. Hopefully someday he comes to his senses. We are also still working on a secret something. West is trying to start another CQL as well, which we reluctantly offered to play in. I still think the whole thing will fall through before it starts. Let's hope I'm wrong. No, I'm never wrong. It's DOOMed, no pun intended.

Salted, long time anal protègè of Para, passed the vote 5 - 0 in favor of himself. Long live the anal protègè! Our clan now stands at 6 active members, and one R00k.

In other news, a secret project is particularly in the works now, thanks to the "software development process". Keep checking back here for updates, which we probably won't feel like giving you.

Para, long time anal protègè of Souless, passed the vote 4 - 0 in favor of himself. We now proudly present his presence in our presence at the present time. Long live liver lovers! Para wins!

It has been forever since there has been an update on our site. Unfortunately the lack of news is because there has been an extreme lack of Quake playing going on among the few remaining players of Deathmatch and Clan Arena. My understanding is that a decent amount of people are still playing CTF and that a good amount are playing games through the dreaded QuakeWorld client. Please come on, how the hell do people actually like QuakeWorld. The only mod I can play using QW is Team Fortress / Mega TF. I feel like I like I am an obeserver when playing QW, not actually in the game and a part of the environment as with regular Net Quake. This is the time that I have been dreading now for the better part of the last 4 years as it is nearly impossible now to find a 4v4 or 3v3 deathmatch game. Looking back there has been many great moments playing Quake, unfortunately few more, if any, will be made from this point forward. Myself and Money have had some ambitions to create a Quake remembered website. If I find some time, I will consider doing this. Many of the ideas originally planned for this site would be incorporated in to that one. The basic idea behind this new site would be to have submit information about themselves (as Quake players) and any particular media / screen shots. If enough people were to discover the site and put up some stuff, a parallel time line could eventually be constructed. Obviously I have way high hopes for this site, but there is a possibility that it could work. Also, very few people even idle anymore on irc.enterthegame.com in #Quake1 as well as some other major Quake channels. If there is any other IRC location where Quakers are hanging out at, lemme know. If anyone other than Monkey reads this, also let me know.

Oh, and I have been wondering for the better part of the last year and half or so why Captain Murphy has not been on Sealab 2021 lately and that football coach guy has taken over. Unfortunately Harry Goz (I hope that is his name) died. Really sucks when the best character on a show goes away. Family Guy has become one of my new favorite shows though. I had only really started watching it last fall, and soon after was questioning myself on why the eff I didn't watch it sooner. Well, sweetly enough, they started making new episodes airing on Fox.

Ok, that is enough rambling for now. Sorry to make you think that there was actually some really important news from the headline :(.

He's a canuck, and this is what I do to canucks!!

Wow, he plowed a turkey for real? AMAZING.

[22:30] <phuel> i let my lil brother take my sunfire tonight, and he hit a fucking turkey
[22:31] <phuel> haha good pictars we have
...
[22:39] <phuel> rofl, so he took it to a party
[22:39] <phuel> and is gonna throw it at people
[22:39] <phuel> and put it in someones car
...
[22:46] <phuel> he said he hit the turkey
[22:46] <phuel> and it wasnt dead
[22:47] <phuel> so the drunk kid with him got out and punched its face in untill it stopped moving
[22:47] <phuel> cuz its neck was fucked
...
[22:55] <phuel> ROFLFLFLLF
[22:55] <phuel> cant see the caption though
[22:55] <phuel> it says "I Be Pimpin yo"
[22:55] <phuel> hahaha stupid brother
[22:56] <phuel> the other one the turkey is spread out on the front window
[22:56] <phuel> and says "FUCK ME HARD" hahaha
[22:57] <Monkey> thats funny
[22:57] <Monkey> haha
[22:57] <phuel> haha dead turkey!!

Now THAT's Bizarro!!

I have reviewed the IRC Humor section and found that several of the quotes within are utterly shitty. Sadly, most of the shitty ones are mine. Here is a list of the ones I removed for being too shitty. If you disagree with me, bring it to my attention: The Legend of Zelda (headgiving ability), Fetish Fun (mixing fetishes), Fart Joke Of The Day, Eat My Zord (Mighty Morphin' Zebra Fjords), Not Really Funny, But Thought Provoking (esthetic beauty of a sculpture).

In addition Evade and I have decided to add Snoop to the Straightlist for his quote regarding the wholesome goodness that is Bizarro, and that is not "every other clan".

I urge all to check out this cool local band to the Orlando area called In This Day. Their music is very hard rock and somewhat similar to Mudvayne. They will be playing April 25 at the Earthday Birthday concert which is one of the biggest rock events every year in the Central Florida area.

Now to the really important stuff. I am calling on all the Bizarros and Bizarro Non-Bizarros of the world to unite and ban the gayness that is the movie The Punisher. I have no clue what the f*ck this movie is about really, I just know that everytime a trailer is on the television my ears bleed from the pain that is staind. Yes the faggot assed band that should be banned by all, staind. I am expecting this movie to completely flop 100% because of the fact that Staind is featured on the soundtrack trailer. If by some chance this movie does good, it reflects the gayness of the movie going public that yearn to see modernized crap of grade-A classics and unwitty comedies with no intelligent jokes. Also along with banning this movie, everyone should ban their local rock radio stations until 11:59p.m. of the current day whenever one of these musical bands is heard on that station in the form of a song or in the form of being mentioned by D.J's: Staind, Linkin Park, Kid Rock, Limp Bizkit, Puddle of Mudd, P.O.D, and any music I am forgetting that is mad gay like those mentioned bands.

First of all, in honor of our QWL heritage, QWL members have begun dawning the QWL name in DM matches. In addition, one of Dry Ice's original QWL website logos (circa 1999) has been put on the QWL roster heading to honor the QWL name.

In addition a new bizarro sighting has been made, thanks to Deimos:
[02:33] <Deimos> http://images.somethingawful.com/inserts/articlepics/photoshop/04-02-04-campaigns/Oiez.jpg
[02:34] <Deimos> ghaha

Derek A.K.A. Dry Ice sent us proof of his internet girlfriend a few days ago. I decided that maybe I should share it with the rest of the class:

P.S.: Tell the paparazzi that Justin Timberlake uses the online name "Cait."
P.P.S: Doesn't this picture STILL look like a woman?

Tool has groined the Bizarro world, and to our surprise it is the second time he's been in a clan with both Evade and I. We have added his rightful roster spot on the Bizarro roster as well as the QWL roster (which we previously didn't know about).

In other news, we played an honorable match against Zero in the CQL6 semi-finals, only to lose 0-3. We realize that Zero is undefeatable and are the gods of Quake, and at the same time they are some of the nicest, kindest people we have ever come across. GG CQL! Also, for the record, we vow never to enter another CQL season, probably because we shit our pants last time in defeat... wah. Let's just hope QGL rocks!

Even Björk endorses Zero.

FINALLY The Bizarro's Have Released A New Project.

There are some rather BIZARRO quotes in the IRC Humor section now. In other news, I will have my week-long semester break at the end of February. Since I have no life, I MAY make a major addition to the site, hopefully. It should be up by early March if there is one. As for Evade, he has been making more updates, yet has been on less than ever. Kind of strange. Look out for something else from him, if he decides to work on a small project.

Oh, and we suffered two miserable losses to SQ and Zero, both 0-3 games. This brings our overall CQL record to 3 wins and 3 losses. Just keep in mind... nobody on our squad has been playing enough recently except for me, so its no wonder we are losing games left and right. But, no matter what, we love Quake, and we play it for fun! Who gives a petite lion-dick if we lose a few games?

First of all, the CQL season started a few weeks ago and we are doing alright! Our current record is 2 wins and 1 loss.. we lost our first game to In10sity 1-3, then we beat DY 3-2, and Ice9-2 3-0. BIZARRO!!

I've also compiled some funny clips from the movie Robocop: Dark Justice (first in a series of 4). Check them out here (right click and save), the file is about 9 megs for over a minute of footage. YOU'RE BONED BABY!!!

Not much of a news update here but I noticed Monkey was the only one recently ever doing updates so I felt pressured to contribute. Our quake project has run into a few roadblocks, but at the same time new techniques have been discovered to improve the overall quality and bizarroness of it. With a little hope the project will be completed on time, however it appears that we will most likely have to push back the anticipated completion date. I am going to try to add a little more content to the lists page in the next few days such as top musical band and movie lists.

Lastly, The Bizarro World would like to wish everyone an unsafe and shitty New Year.

He came almost as fast as he went. Alas, he will be remembered. One of our newest members Zender has quit the clan, cited as saying "I don't really feel like I belong." We had a few problems with his identity (now known to be Guns17). Nonetheless, we still give you our support, Guns! Good luck with Phrozn!

We have at the same time uncovered an old friend, the Rictor flash movies! Almost everyone has seen them before, but we will post a link here to the movies. If you haven't seen them (especially if you know Rictor) CHECK THEM OUT NOW. Get the Rictor Flash Movies Here! Notably, my newer version of Flash has some problems displaying these movies right, but they will hopefully work right for most people. The link will be in the Other Stuff section from now on as well.

The christmas season has taken its toll and well life is.... impossible. But everything will be fine after christmas!! So fine in fact, that Evade and I will have 2 weeks of our pathetic lives free to do whatever we want with. This means, of course, that we will finally have time to work on a Quake movie project. We have decided we will at least attempt an actual quake MOVIE (in avi form only). More specifically, a movie which involves but is not entirely about Quake. This time, something great will be made, even if it isn't what we are planning at the moment.

Also, I would like to add that the focus of my website work has shifted from design to content, since I basically never got off my ass to do any design changes. I probably never will, either. You will all have to deal with the rather drab layout which has been bestowed upon you. Either way, in the Bizarro world ugly is beautiful, so you should be happy! Of course the best part about it is, the amazing content on this site will expand for ages to come, as it has been expanding more and more recently. I think, say, about FOUR sections have gone from nothing to something in the last month!!

I, Monkey, have created and created the means to distribute, the greatest accomplishment of our time... Q1EDGE.LOC. Get it from the link, or go to the Misc. Quake section and download it + the other CQL maps, all in a convenient ZIP format.

Keep in mind that there are a few slight bugs with the loc file... there is basically nothing I can do about them, since ProQuake's loc system sucks balls... and it's very hard to support the curves in q1edge with rectangles. Note the AND... the loc system is gayed AND you have nothing but rectangles to work with. Also, if you are interested in making your own locs, consult the dm3.loc that comes with ProQuake, DO NOT ASK ME HOW, since I don't want to deal with a ton of messages, and the instructions are in dm3.loc.

If there are any MAJOR problems with the loc file, please tell me... otherwise just thank me for being the bomb.

In other news, Oifer has joined the Bizarro world! He has been with us for a week but we just now agreed to put him on the 6th spot of the CQL roster. This means that signups are over for now, sorry! b18c-5 (phantoman) is still with us, although he is not on the roster as of yet. He will hopefully serve as a backup in case we have to take anyone else off the roster :).

I finally got off my ass and added some new content today. The most significant addition is the IRC Humor section. I have been piling up old quotes and stuff from actual conversations on IRC, and I have put them all in this section. It's pretty big... probably 4 or 5 pages worth of good stuff. We will add to it as new things come available.

I've also added our Lists section. The only thing there right now is the Faglist, which only has 3 people on it right now, but will grow. Keep in mind that this just for making fun of people... don't take offense because you are on our faglist :P.

Both sections were added rather hastily, and will be properly outfitted as soon as possible. In other news, we may have Jeff from Verzion coming aboard soon, but we are not sure yet. This means that our 6th and final spot is likely taken, but we may give it to somebody else if Jeff doesn't come back soon.

As we gear up for CQL6, we have been looking for prospective bizarrowners. Here comes our 5th member for the CQL6 roster: Zender!! Welcome aboard BIIIIIOITCH!!

Also, as an update, I spent a good portion of my day today extracting new cuts from my massive Bizarro demo collection, many of which will end up in our next Quake movie.

CQL 5 ended with a bang, as D3M somehow managed to thwart IOV's attempt at conquering the throne. Bizarro got owned by D3M too, in the playoffs. Hey, at least we made it that far! Our final record for matches was 8 wins and 9 losses, not including quarter-finals or playoffs. In the quarter-finals we Rocked (with a capital R) NFA, but then got Rocked the other way in the semi-finals vs. D3M.

But, just as soon as CQL5 ended, CQL6 signups began. We are rebuilding our roster as we doubt Phantoman or Rook will play for us this time. Whitlock has left us sadly... we will miss you Whitlock :). But at the same time, we have gained a reliable and superb player, Dingle. Also of note is that while Dry Ice played only one series of one game last season, he may play full-time this season! Welcome back, Dry :P.

As for the site, I know many of my promises have been broken, but it doesn't really matter because nobody visits the page anyhow :(. Hopefully I will add some content other than THE NEW MOVIE PROJECT we are embarking on. Mod work has stopped for now because we got bored with it, but you can be sure SOMETHING is going to come out of us this time. Stay tuned for more information.

First of all, we are proud to present our newest member Rook!!! He's a one man wrecking crew... Bizarrowned!

Second up, we are in the quarter-finals for CQL! Of course, every clan that made it this far is, but who cares, it sounds pretty important :).

More importantly than that however, you may have noticed the Bizarro website just sitting around in its own worthlessness with no updating going on whatsoever. This is because Evade and I have been working on a new project. If it's any indication that Rook is a new member (the masterful modmaker making the CQL Clan Arena mod), we are working on a new project for the moment, which is, alas, a mod. We aren't going to disclose any more details since we don't know when or if it will be released, but it will be released on the Bizarro website when it's done.

However, I will try my best to make some significant updates to the site (for example, making one of the many nonexistant sections). We still have plans for the site.

Today we have acquired two new members, which completes our squad. Congratulations to Whitlock and Sureshot for discovering the Bizarro World! Thanks to all of those who tried and failed, since without you we would feel stupid. But don't fret, some day maybe there will be a new opening. But for now, we are going to stick to 5 main players, which are Whitlock, Phantoman, Sureshot, Evade, and Monkey. Souless may play as well, sometimes.

In addition, our CQL record is now 7 wins and 6 losses. We won a good game today against NFA, breaking their 5 win streak.

Thanks to Dry Ice's new OC3 Athlon XP 2100+ with 1 gig of ram, two new Quake 1 servers have been added to the mix! Check out q1.galaxy-pc.com:26000 for cheatfree DM and q1.galaxy-pc.com:26001 for cheatfree CA+. Cheatfree isnt working on the DM server yet but will be soon if all goes well. CHECK OUT THESE SERVERS, they are SUPER fast for east coasters.

IMPORTANT!!!: WE ALSO NEED 2 MORE PLAYERS FOR CQL!!! If you want to play CA, come join us!

One of our four fully active members, Shortlink, has quit the clan :(. We are sorry to hear of this and we wish him well. Of course, this means that we will be in need of another person to keep us going through the second half of CQL 5! We are looking for two gifted Quakers and friends to join us in the fight against forfeit losses! Shortlink may have quit, but Bizarro never will. Hip hip, hooray! Hip hip, hooray!

If you are interested in joining us, come in #bizarro on etg and tell us in person! Come on, don't be shy!

As you can see, we have revised our intro movie, and added a little something special to the intro page :). Let's see if you can catch what it is! We will be doing some minor adjustments to the intro and/or the intro page in the coming weeks, but it will remain more or less the same for a while. If you want to see the old intro, we have it archived here for the normal version and here for the alternate version (if the first one doesnt display properly).

We have also archived a set of 3 Flash movies which Evade did for a school project about a year ago. There are some good laughs here :).

As for me, I have been helping Evade with the new intro which is now done, so now I can concentrate on revamping the look of this site and making some new content available. Trust me, there is going to be a TON of new content by the end of the year.

I haven't updated the site in a while, so I am going to fill you all in on what has been going on lately. I've decided that I will probably redo the design of the entire site, since I am not completely satisfied with it. I am planning on implementing Java in at least the menu for the new site design. However, it will take a while for me to plan out what I am going to do. So, for now my work on the site will be on hold.

I haven't got a clue what Evade may do, but he is going to be working on some video project. Either the revised intro I've been hoping for, or a standalone video project. Either way, you can expect it to kick ass. So check the topic in #bizarro often for a notification of the updates!

We have been slaving away, trying to get better demo cuts and better quality video for the intro. You can expect to see a revised version in a month or less. We will archive the old intro in the Other Stuff section when we get around to it. As a note, the new demo cuts are finished and we are thoroughly pleased with the results.

Furthermore, we will be enhancing the visuals with some actual graphics, instead of just plain text and tables. I have been toying with the idea of making the new demo consortium my next project. There should be some major additions in the next month or so.

Welcome Shortlink to the Bizarro World. This completes the foursome (Monkey, Evade, Phantoman, Shortlink) plus Souless who is still hanging around with the possibility of playing again. I haven't had the chance to play a game with Short yet, at least I don't think I have, but I hear he mops the floor with Monkey's bubols.

Next up is the Mplayer Xtreme League Messageboard archive. This is a classic piece of history for Mplayer Quake and Bizarro's father clan QWL. When Monkey gets around to it, a brief explanation of the events that led up to the massive amounts of bitching and whining that grace this messageboard will be posted in the history section of the site (ed., probably not). You can access the board here. (oh quick note, the board starts here "DI match time... - cheez 15:09:42 2/24/99 (6)". Anything below that on the page is not archived.)

Catch a glimpse of Bizarro history on T.V. tomorrow evening. Tuesday, August 19, The Bizarro Jerry episode of Seinfeld is airing on TBS Superstation at 6:30 p.m. Eastern time.

The history page is up just in time for our new arrival, Phantoman! It has a brief (2 paragraph) history of our clan, and rosters of both Bizarro and QWL (complete with mini-biographies). Don't forget, we plan on putting up MXL message board archives soon (which are mentioned in some of the bio's).

On another note, Evade and I played D3M in a 2v2 for our first CQL match, and won by a hair's length. It was a very close game, and we are grateful to D3M for allowing the 2v2.

After much hardship in finding a new member, GREETINGS to our newest member, Phantoman!

Keep in mind that we are still looking for one more person to help us win the CA CQL tournament. We may have lost somebody today.

We think we have solved the problems with our menu rollovers, but if you exhibit the following problems when loading this page for the first time, please bring it to my attention on IRC:

• Rollovers not loading, or loading and displaying erratically (especially at first)
• Rollovers have a delay of some sort (usually about 250-500 ms)

In case you didn't know, Bizarro is signed up for CQL Clan Arena. Watch us kick the anus out of everyone! Check out Ecliptiq's CQL site HERE.

IMPORTANT! Bizarro is looking for 1-2 people to help us win the CQL! If you're interested, come check us out in #bizarro on irc.enterthegame.com and talk to us.

Welcome to the Bizarro website. Obviously, it is under construction, seeing as this is the only page active right now (besides the intro). I don't know when all these pages will get off the ground, but we have ambitions for the following: